FORGIVE YOURSELF FIRST

Caught in a web
Of emotions, memories;
Surrounded by darkness
Gloom, despair;
Memories of yesterday
knock at the door
Rolling like a reel of film
Heart turmoil, mind turmoil;
Confusion, resolutions
confusion again;
Living in the past like a Pharisee
Forgive yourself first.

Situations arise,
Similar like twins, triplets
Quadruplets, Quintuplets
The situations multiply
Stuck in a never ending cycle
Of should have, could have
Wish not, Wish have
Forgive yourself first.

Forgive yourself first
before forgiving me
Release yourself first
before releasing me
Untangle yourself from
the chords of bitterness
Unchain yourself from
the chords
you have put on yourself
Forgive yourself first
before forgiving me.

Replaying words said
Replaying actions committed
Over and over
until the mind
comes to a stop!
The film roll stops reeling
The show comes to a halt.
What next?
Still stuck?
The answer writes itself
“Forgive yourself first
before forgiving me.”

Forgive yourself first
As you have been forgiven
Undeserving of forgiveness
But still forgiven
Falling short everytime
But still forgiven
Jesus paid the price
For your forgiveness
Chains broken, released by his blood
No longer under condemnation
Still forgiven.

Untangle yourself from the chains
you are holding
You were forgiven first.
Let go of
Should have, could have
Wish not, wish have
Choose to forgive
yourself first
before forgiving me.

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Do people learn to love?

If love does not come from the heart
It then comes from the mind
When it comes from the mind
It is a logical thing
Which you can easily convince yourself
Into and out of.

But when the heart is captured
The feeling sweeps past you
like a sandstorm
carrying you in its wake
It sweeps over you
like a wave
Pulling you with its force.

Do people learn to love?
When the mind loves
It is empty, short lived
Logical, dead
When the heart loves
It makes no sense
The feelings build up
like a river
about to burst at the banks
Pouring forth uncontrollably
Into a wave of emotions
Do people learn to love?
or do people fall in love?

Do people learn to love
or is love a natural thing?
That grows inside you like a web
spreading through the inside of you
Till you are caught in the web
No amount of untangling can set you free
from its embrace

To learn to love is a technical affair
A logical thing
Like solving a mathematical problem
A script is written
The actors and actresses have to fit
into their roles
The stage is set
The play begins
When the show ends
Reality checks in!

When love is natural it flows
like a river running its course
Flowing to a particular destination
Over mountains, valleys
Into tributaries
It builds up to a beautiful thing.

Love Is Not a Prison

Unlock me from this cage

Free my soul

Let me fly away!

 

Away away!

To where freedom manifests

The sweet taste of freedom!

 

Away away to you

Into the freedom of loving you

To be loved by you.

 

Unlock emotions

Extend your embrace

Let me lie in your arms

Safe.

 

Lock not your emotions

Away from me

Lest I be a captive

Longing.

 

Unlock this prison

It remains closed

When you withhold

Give me the key to your heart

Free me to you

Let our hearts

Join.

 

Into the freedom of loving you

To be loved by you.

Promise me Not!

Promise me not tomorrow when today you are not here

Promise me not love for I only see like

Promise me not oceans when you can’t give me a pond

Promise me not tomorrow when today you are not here.

 

Don’t leave me waiting for your arrival

All alone as the hours clock away

Leave me not waiting for your call from dusk to dawn

Don’t give me half your heart

When I can have the whole of you

Promise me not love when you can only give like.

 

Promise me not hope when you bring darkness

Promise me not joy when you bring sorrow

Promise me not security when you leave me exposed

How I long for your arms to hold…me

Promise me not tomorrow when you are not here today.

 

Promise me not the sky when you keep pushing me

Pushing me deep into the ground to an emotionless state

Promise me not a life fulfilling

When you rob me of the little life I had

Promise me not love when you can’t even give like.

 

Desires unfulfilled

Feet sore, Feet swollen

Everday the long trek!

Surviving on menial jobs

Living from hand to mouth

Degree on the shelf

College certificate on the shelf

it has a story to tell.

Degree in hand,college certificate in hand

Door to door

Doors slam on the face

We have nothing for you

‘Sorry!’

Desires unfulfilled

Longing for things beyond reach

Hand to mouth

frustration!

Stuck in a cycle of frustration

Door to door,Slamming doors

Hand to mouth,

menial job 1…2…3 never ending.

Day to night

Frustration! Depression!

Every night he goes to sleep

She goes to sleep

Hoping for a better tomorrow

Sunset to sunrise

Dreaming of what could be

Sunrise!reality opens the curtains.

Hope now dangles on a string

Cut the string& he/she drops

In despair:hope lost

Menial jobs, new promises

Nothing substantial.

New opportunities, dropping them like a hot potato

For the satisfaction they offer, is temporary

He/she is slowly drowning in despair

On the knees, head downcast

In surrender

‘Lord where did I go wrong he/she asks?’

Posh cars pass

Magnificent houses colour the landscape

The everyday route he/she uses to trek.

Dreams longing

Desires unfulfilled

Hoping for things far beyond reach

When will the cycle come to an end?

Imprisoned

Imprisoned

When we fail to listen

When we fail to see

through the eyes of God.

 

Imprisoned

When we fail to walk

When we fail to believe

in the word of God.

 

Imprisoned

When we refuse the will

When we fail to follow

the will of God for our lives.

I don’t want to face tomorrow

I don’t want to face tomorrow,

For today brings tears to my eyes.

I don’t want to face tomorrow,

For today is empty.

I don’t want to face tomorrow

For today I walk alone

I don’t want to face tomorrow,

For today your hands are not in mine.

How do I face tomorrow without you?

Today I feel like my world has fallen apart,

I long to see you again,

See your beautiful smile,

To hear your beautiful laughter,

Hug you, talk with you.

But you are not here anymore by my side.

When you left

You left with a part of me,

When you died,

A part of me died.

I can no longer cry,

My voice is a groan,

My eyes are swollen and in pain,

The pain holds my heart down,

like an anchor,

I look within for strength,

but I am weak, all strength gone,

I look above for strength but I,

keep loosing hope,

Questions surround my mind

tormenting me day and night.

Tonight I lay on the ground prostrate

saying,

‘Lord fill this emptiness,

Let this make sense,

so that I do not loose my mind,

Lord give me strength to face tomorrow,

Give me the strength to accept,

Lord heal this pain,

Give me hope for tomorrow,

So that I can face tomorrow.